


Home Is Where The Heart Is

by nekofreakz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:51:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekofreakz/pseuds/nekofreakz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU fic *SSxHPxSS* There is nothing more painful than being betrayed by your loved one. It's difficult, yes, but life must go on, especially when the lives of so many others depend on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost thanks to my wonderful Beta, YumeNoTsuzuki, for doing a great job! I really don’t know what I should do without you! 
> 
> Author Note: I’m using medical title from U.K. so to avoid confusion, please read this before reading the story below.  
> \- House Officer (or Medical Intern in U.S.) was the only job open to medical graduates in the United Kingdom who had just passed their final examinations at medical school and had received their medical degrees.

**Chapter 1**

**Harry’s POV**

 

Harry Potter, the trauma surgeon of Accident and Emergency department of St. Mungo hospital, felt like he was much older than his actual age. He was now standing alone on the hospital roof – away from the house officers that he needed to supervise and he finally let the stress that had been burdening him since last night show on his face. Sighing softly, he leaned against the wall and rummaged through his pocket for a cigarette then put one between his lips and lightened it up. He inhaled on the cigarette deeply, looking bitterly at his patient’s medical chart, or more accurately his _dead_ patient’s medical chart. Another life was lost and there was nothing he could do to change it.

 

Six hours ago, there was a traffic accident. A man was driving a mini cooper under the influence of alcohol. The car veered onto the pavement, colliding with pedestrians and crashing into a telephone pole. The drunk driver died instantly while many of the pedestrians were heavily injured. The paramedics on scene referred the injured people to St. Mungo’s, because it was the nearest hospital to the accident site.

 

It had been a very busy night, even the junior house officers who usually only followed the senior doctors around to observe and learn had to help tend to the emergency patients. Among the injured, there was a mother and a daughter. The mother had a severe epidural hematoma and had to get immediate surgery. Because of the shortage of Neurosurgeons – too many patients at one time – he had to help the surgery as first assistant.

 

So he put his trust in his house officer, Colin Creevey, to tend to the daughter. Never had he expected that the younger intern would let the girl die. It would seem that there was unexpected bleeding and it was far from Creevey’s experience and skill to fix that kind of wound. But the younger house officer had become too arrogant and refused to ask for any help, even though the nurse had advised him to do it. By the time any senior doctor managed to come, she had died from blood loss.

 

 _That little piece of shit ought not to be a doctor! What kind of doctor would just let their patient die because of their foolish pride and ego?_ He thought as he gnashed his teeth together in silent anger. _Though,_ said a voice in his head that eerily sounded like his former mentor _, it was still your own fault, Potter! If you didn’t coddle Creevey that girl could have still been alive!_

 

“Fuck!” he cursed loudly as he kicked the wall.

 

It was the painful truth and would always be blatant proof of his failure, his personal nightmare for the rest of his life. He knew deep inside that he wasn’t cut out to be a mentor. Unlike his _former_ mentors, he wasn’t stern enough. He couldn’t inspire fear or obedience. He should be banned _forever_ from supervising anyone. After all, it was his decision that had cost a young girl’s life and any future she might have had. No matter how occupied he was at that moment, he shouldn’t have entrusted it all to Creevey.

 

The guilt was eating him up inside. Rather than being afraid of getting accused of malpractice, he was more distressed about how he should inform the girl’s mother about what had occurred when she gained consciousness, without breaking her heart. He knew first-hand how hard it was to lose your loved one. His own parents died in a car crash while he had miraculously survived. His mother sacrificed her life, shielding him with her own body. Even now, his heart still clenched in pain whenever he remembered his parents.

 

He took in another deep breath from the cigarette as he waited impatiently for the nicotine to flow within his blood and calm his nerves.

 

There was no point agonizing over it. Anytime now there could be another patient being brought in and he would need all of his wits with him if he didn’t wish to make more fatal mistakes.

 

“I thought you had stopped smoking that cancer stick, Potter,” said someone with a deep velvet voice.

 

Harry frowned when he recognized owner of that voice. He had chosen the place specifically to avoid conversing with anyone, _especially_ the particular man who was now standing a few feet away from him. He straightened his back stiffly, reluctantly facing the man who had once been his mentor and also _his ex-lover_.  

 

“I don’t think my habit is _any_ of your business, _Doctor_ ,” Harry said in a sarcastic tone.

 

 _You have lost any right to complain about it when you left me for that woman,_ he thought angrily as he stubbed out the remains of the cigarette in his portable ashtray. He started walking to the exit door, hoping to avoid any further conversation. He could no longer seek his peace here. _I’d better leave before I completely lose it and punch him in the face_ , he thought.

 

“Potter,” called his ex-lover.

 

“It’s _Doctor Potter_ to you,” snapped Harry, no longer caring whether his employer would fire him for his cheek or not.

 

He felt sick pleasure as he watched the other man struggle to control his anger at his disrespectful behavior. Well, fuck it all, it wasn’t like there was no other hospital which would welcome him if he was fired. London being one of the most populated cities in the world meant that the A&E department was always bustling with people. Severus Snape might not want him in his bed anymore but the older man still needed his skill for A&E department in this hospital.

 

Snape gave him his coldest glare. “Then make sure… you attend the meeting this afternoon, _Doctor Potter_ ,” he said and then turned on his heel, striding towards the door.

 

Once Snape was out of sight, Harry slumped onto the nearest bench with balled fists. God, he cursed the day he met Severus Snape. Now he hated the man just as much as he had loved him before. The only thing that stopped him from quitting his job at St. Mungo’s Hospital was purely foolish pride. He wanted to show the older man that he didn’t mean a thing to him anymore.

 

 _Yeah, look at yourself, you’re not doing a good job at it! You’re still mooning over Snape like an idiot!_ He grumbled quietly, feeling angry and disappointed with himself. He should have listened to Sirius – his godfather’s countless warnings. Snape just wanted revenge, because his mother had ditched him at the altar to run off and marry James Potter instead. He was being punished for his dead parents’ mistake.

 

 _Snape has never loved me,_ he thought as a single, hot and angry tear ran down his cheek. He roughly wiped it away. Three months had passed since the dreaded event when he had found that woman on _their_ bed. The pain and anger still hadn’t lessened their grip on him. He should have stopped being a stubborn fool and moved on like Ron and Hermione had advised him to, but he still couldn’t do it.

 

He tilted his head to the side and stared blankly at the morning sky, childishly wishing to melt into nothingness.

 

XxXxX

 

**Severus’s POV**

 

Severus strode through the corridor with a thunderous expression on his face. He was fully aware of the nurses and patients now scurrying off and leaving his path clear like when Moses parted the red sea.

 

“Blasted brat!” he muttered under his breath.

 

He might have said so, but who he resented more than anyone was himself. He knew he didn’t have to find Potter to convey the message. He could have left the message with one of the nurses and spared himself the trouble but, _no_ , he just had to be a masochist and do it himself.

 

Maybe he just didn’t want to admit that he was worried about the younger doctor and was just using the message as a reason to check up on him. Since he heard the news about what that stupid Creevey had done, he kept on pacing around his office restlessly, because he knew very well that it would deeply hurt Potter - the younger doctor was a compassionate man with a savior tendency.

 

It was still fresh in his memories even though five years had passed. After all it was the beginning of everything.

 

XxXxX

 

_“No, one more time!” shouted Potter._

_“Doc…” said the nurse softly. “She’s gone.”_

_“No! We can still save her!” Potter said desperately, wrenching the defibrillator from the nurse’s hands._

_“Potter, stop!” said Severus sternly, grabbing his arms tightly and then repeating, “Stop, there is nothing you can do for her now. She.is dead.”_

_Potter inhaled sharply as if trying to prevent himself from hyperventilating, with a shocked expression on his face as he began to comprehend the situation. Aware that Potter might break down anytime now, he quietly motioned the nurse to take the defibrillator from Potter’s hands and then dragged Potter away from his dead patient._

_“Potter… It’s over…” he said softly as soon as they reached his office and the doors closed behind them._

_Potter stared blankly at him for a long moment and then let out a choked sob. There was so much pain in those green eyes that compelled him to pull Potter into his arms._

_“Shh… Let it out,” Severus whispered, wrapping his arms around Potter’s shoulder. “Just let it out.”_

_The emotional dam finally shattered and hot tears came rushing out of Potter’s eyes. The younger man sobbed out his grief, his frustration, his inability to save his patients while Severus rubbed his back soothingly._

_“Oh God… I could have saved her…” Potter hiccupped brokenly. “God, I killed her and her unborn child.”_

_He lifted Potter’s face till those bright green eyes were meeting his own onyx ones._

_“Potter, listen to me,” he said firmly. “You’ve done your best. There was nothing you could do to save her.”_

_Potter shook his head, looking at him with unconvinced gaze and choked out, “But… if I…”_

_“Then let me ask you, are you somehow the one who made the truck collide with the bus?” asked Severus._

_“Of course not…” Potter whispered weakly. “I—I wouldn’t even wish for it to happen.”_

_“You cannot save everyone, you’re only human,” said Severus in a stern, but calm and soothing tone. “And as humans, there are certain limits for us. It is enough that you’ve done as much as you could.”_

_Those green eyes were still blurred by tears. “It’s just… I wish I could have saved her… I wish I could save… them.”_

_“So do I,” admitted Snape softly and quietly as he pulled the younger man into his embrace again. “So do I…”_

XxXxX

What happened in the past remained in the past. So what was he still expecting? For Potter to cry in his arms again? When it was him who had selfishly let him go?

 

Potter had changed and so did he. The brat wouldn’t break that easily anymore. Just look at what media called him nowadays. The Chosen One, The Saviour. The Accident & Emergency Doctor with the lowest death rate in Britain.

 

 _See… He doesn’t need you any longer_ , the thought taunted him when he was confronted by Potter’s insolent attitude. _While you – like a bloody fool – still yearn for his love._

 

But he would kill himself before he would ever say it out loud. Potter had wormed his way into his heart or more accurately, cornered him. It was like Potter was hunting him down till he was trapped and couldn’t escape anymore. However, he soon learned that being captured was happiness itself. Rather than being restrained, it felt like he was cocooned by warm love.

 

The last two years were definitely the happiest years in his life. When Potter was around, it was easy to forget the bitterness that had always surrounded him since he was spurned by Lily Evans, a fiancée who he had come to love deeply despite the fact that the marriage was arranged by his grandfather. 

 

There was no place for hatred. All that was left was only love for the green-eyed young man. It would only take one kiss, one smile and then he would gladly cut his heart open for him. Back then he was no cold hearted surgeon, only a fool in love.

 

Yes, he had loved Harry Potter and would _always_ , as long as his heart was still beating. Yet he had ruined what they had together with his own hands.

 

**End of Chapter 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Harry’s POV**

 

Harry tapped his pen quietly on the table, not quite listening as Dr. Minerva McGonagall, the head of his department, who was sitting beside him, gave the full explanation of Colin Creevey’s actions to other Department Head’s. Snape was still not looking at him, pretending that he was invisible or at best a speck of dust on the chair, despite giving undivided attention to Minerva’s explanation. He gave out a low, bitter chuckle. Why should he care whether Snape was looking at him or not? How ridiculous.

 

“Dr. Potter? Is there something funny?” said Minerva, a vein flickering on her temple. “Perhaps, would you like to share it with us?”

 

She didn’t look happy to be interrupted, especially when she had to take responsibility of the entire incident. Faint snorts could be heard from the other side of table. Deciding that he’d like to spare his ears – Minerva’s scolding was quite unpleasant and long – he decided to apologize and not cause any more embarrassment to his head of department.

 

He cleared his throat, “No… I’m sorry, please go on.”

 

When he turned his head to the left, he caught sight of Snape’s eyes. He smirked widely just out of spite. Seeing that it made the older man flustered made him remember the day after his first confession.

 

XxXxX

_“Yesterday… you…”_

_“Kissed you and said I like you,” said Harry, feeling amused at the fact that Snape seemed not be able to say those words._

_“Which I find very hard to believe, Dr. Potter,” said Snape, his lips thinning considerably in dismay._

_“What? The kiss or the confession?” said Harry coyly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips._

_Snape furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at him dangerously, “Both, what are you playing at, Potter?”_

_“I’m serious you know,” said Harry wryly. “I don’t have a habit kissing someone that I don’t like.”_

_Snape deadpanned, “You can’t possibly like me.”_

_“Why not?” Harry raised his eyebrow at the blatant refusal._

_“I’m not an idiot, Potter!” snapped Snape, glaring at him. “I know I’ve been horrible to you all these years. You must hate me.”_

_“Wrong, I hated you,” said Harry readily. “Well, I don’t right now.”_

_Snape’s frown grew deeper. “Then why the sudden change of heart? Why do you even like me?”_

_“It’s not… that sudden,” he admitted, shrugging. “Even when I didn’t like you, I admired your skill as a doctor. Though, it took me a while to like your personality.” Snape snorted loudly with disbelief at that and took a sip on his coffee cup. “And I always think that you’re… sexy,” he continued._

_His last word make Snape choke on his coffee violently._

_“Snape, are you okay?” asked Harry worriedly as the coughing fit ensued. “Here… have some water.” He passed him his water bottle._

_“Is that some kind of your evil scheme to kill me?” Snape glared accusingly at him when his coughing subsided._

_Harry denied it at once, “No, of course not!”_

_“Potter! Then let me ask you which part of me is like you say, sexy?” said Snape, giving him an incredulous look._

_Harry blinked then said slowly, “… everything?”_

_Snape sneered, “I’m not that much a fool to actually believe that!”_

_“I – Listen, I’m not trying to humor you,” said Harry exasperatedly. “You… I really do think that you look exceptionally sexy in your surgical scrubs.”_

_“Potter, that’s only your fetish!” snapped Snape. “We all look the same in them! It’s a hospital policy!”_

_“That doesn’t change the fact that I still like you,” said Harry, straddling the chair as he moved in for the kill._

_“Dr. Potter, this is highly inappropriate!” Snape attempted to protest, pushing him away._

_“Let me kiss you again, I’ll prove it to you,” he said softly._

_“Potter!” Snape struggled against his hold._

_“Don’t tell me that you’re afraid that you might like it?” taunted Harry._

_“I’m not afraid!” snapped Snape._

_“Then, may I kiss you?” Harry grinned impishly. “Please?” he added politely._

_Snape looked at him with an unreadable gaze before grudgingly replying, “Very well, but—,” Harry hurriedly sealed off the rest of the words with his lips in case the older man changed his mind._

_He could feel Snape stiffen at the first touch before finally melting into the kiss. It was hard to believe at first that a cold and hard man like Severus Snape had the softest lips that he had ever kissed. Nor had he expected that Snape would be such a great kisser when he put his heart into it._

_“Wow… ” Harry muttered dazedly when the kiss that sent his mind reeling ended, feeling the difference from their first kiss. He would kill for more kisses like this. One glance at Snape told him that the older man was just as flustered and excited as he was._

_Snape flushed when he was caught looking at him and delivered a hard swat on his bottom._

_“Get up, Potter, before you ruin my chair!”_

_“Ouch,” Harry yelped, rubbing his sore bottom then grinned, “I don’t mind a rough play as long as you’ll kiss it better later.”_

_“Potter, don’t push your luck!” Snape glowered darkly at him. “Just don’t!”_

XxXxX

 

Suddenly, feeling emotionally overwhelmed, Harry stood up, sending his chair scraping noisily against the floor which earned him a surprised look from the rest of the occupants of the meeting room.

 

“I need to use the loo,” he mumbled his excuse and without looking at anyone he strode out of the room.

 

He ran off almost blindly to the nearest bathroom before locking it behind him and then splashing his face with ice cold water. There was so much pain in his heart that it felt like there was a knife lodged deep within it. He was aware that he was laughing and crying at the same time. His reflection on the mirror was showing a man who was slowly going mad. His love and hate were so entwined together that it couldn’t be good for his sanity.

 

 _Maybe I should reevaluate my decision to stay,_ he thought quietly as he regained his composure. _Transferring into another hospital doesn’t sound so bad now._

He needed to move away, somewhere else that wouldn’t remind him of Severus Snape.  But he would shove away all sentimental feelings for later, because right now duty was calling him clear and loud from the hospital’s loudspeaker.

 

XxXxX

 

“What have we got here?” Harry asked as soon as he walked into the A & E.

 

The nurse reported to him, “The patient is a 50 year old man, he complained about pain in his right side!”

 

“Prepare the X-ray and blood work!” said Harry.

 

“Already have, Dr. Potter,” replied the nurse.

 

Susan Bones – one of the junior house officers – inspected the man as he moaned in pain.

 

 “I think… it’s an appendicitis,” she said quietly.

 

Harry gave a slight nod at that and instructed the nurse, “Give him 2 grams of fosfomycin.”

 

“Yes, Doctor.”

 

“Sir, can you hear me? It’s going to be ok,” said Harry softly. “I’m going to press down a little. Tell me if you feel any pain.”

 

Harry pressed his fingers on the patient’s stomach carefully, moved it lower and felt the palpitation. The pained grunt from the patient only served as a confirmation. Yes, it’s definitely appendicitis, probably on the verge of exploding. He shared a look with Susan Bones. “I believe you’re right. Dr. Bones, could you assist?”

 

“Yes, Dr. Potter!” replied Susan at once.

 

Then he turned to the nurse. “Call the anesthesiologist!! It’s an emergency operation!”

 

XxXxX

 

Harry had just finished changing from his dirty scrubs when Hermione appeared at the door.

 

“I heard you’ve just finished an operation.”

 

Harry shrugged. “An appendicitis. I’m glad it wasn’t as bad as I had predicted.” He admitted with a smile, “And Susan’s skills keep improving more and more each day.”

 

“See, I told you so,” said Hermione smugly. “She’s a bright student.”

 

“I want her in my department,” said Harry.

 

“You wish, she’ll be joining mine in Pediatrics,” said Hermione, crossing her hands and eyeing him challengingly.

 

Harry rolled his eyes. He actually thought that inter-department rivalry was getting ridiculous nowadays, although he understood why it occurred - because more talented new doctors meant less work and stress for everyone. It wouldn’t be long before things started to get dirty. Though, he probably wouldn’t be there when it happened. He waited untill Ron joined them before announcing his decision and awaiting their reaction.

 

“Oh, Harry…” said Hermione as she gave him a long, searching look and then smiled a little sadly. “Have you considered everything about transferring carefully?”

 

“Yes, I have,” Harry assured her, “Maybe it’ll be the best for me if I never meet him again.” Then he looked at his best friends since they were medical school students and smiled wistfully. “Still, I’ll miss you both a lot.”

 

“Nah, good riddance, I say,” Ron piped up. “That old cheating bastard didn’t deserve someone like you.” The red haired man clapped him on the back. “All you need is someone to date, mate. Ginny will be delighted if you ask her out.” 

 

“No,” he said firmly. “Definitely not! I’m not going to use my best friend’s little sister like that.”

 

Ron grinned, “She won’t mind, you know, she has been worshipping you for several years.”

 

“Ron,” said Harry, rolling his eyes. “Stop shoving your sister onto me, she won’t appreciate you for that.”

 

“Still, _you’re_ a million times better than those losers she has dated before,” replied Ron, shrugging.

 

“Ronald Bilius Weasley, you didn’t just call Neville a loser, did you?” Hermione reprimanded him sharply.

 

“Ay, she’s really sensitive about these kinds of matters,” muttered Ron in a low voice to him. “She’ll be turning into my mum soon.”

 

“I heard that!” snapped Hermione, glaring irritably at Ron.

 

Harry put his hands up defensively and groaned, “Please, don’t drag me into your married couple quarrels.”

 

“Dr. Potter?” The head of his department called across the room. “Would you mind sparing a few minutes of your time?” 

 

His friends exchanged a look with each other and then stared at him with accusingly that said ‘what have you done this time?’ Harry rolled his eyes at that. Just because the head of his department wanted to talk to him didn’t mean that something had gone wrong. Really, he should be hurt at how lowly his friends thought of him.

 

“We’ll come back later, Harry,” said Hermione, picking up her books from the table.

 

Ron got up from the chair as well and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Yeah, see you later, mate.”

 

**End of Chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 

**Harry’s POV**

 

“Hang on…” Harry interrupted loudly, looking apprehensive. “Why me? Last year it was you who went to the international medical expo.”

 

“I’m not getting any younger, Dr. Potter,” said Minerva calmly from her seat behind the desk in her office and put the tips of her fingers together. “Trips to France would take their toll on my body. Besides, it’s you - the new generation of doctors who need to learn about the latest medical updates.”

 

Harry frowned, perplexed, and tried to argue, “But I—.”

 

“You won’t turn my plea down just because you aren’t in the best relationship with Dr. Snape,” chided Minerva sternly, peering over her glasses at him.

 

Harry looked at her wide-eyed, his face paling considerably as he registered what she had said. “How – how did you know?” he said slowly.

 

“I might be old but I’m not deaf yet, Dr. Potter. I’ve been overhearing the nurses gossiping about it.” Minerva frowned and then said, “I thought you and Dr. Snape have been getting along nicely these past three years.”

 

Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. So Minerva didn’t know that he used to go out with Snape. The last thing he wanted to happen now was for the gossip about their past relationship to spread out.

 

“You won’t be going alone with Dr. Snape, Dr. Filius will be coming along with you too,” Minerva reassured him.

 

That got his attention at once. “Filius Flitwick? From Internal Medicine?” he asked her, making sure.

 

“Yes, that would be correct,” said Minerva. “I remember you’ve always wanted to have a good talk with him. You should have plenty of chances to talk to him during the trip.”

 

Harry bit his lips as he thought deeply about it. It was a very tempting offer. Just like Minerva had said, it would be a long awaited chance. Flitwick’s medical toxicology research was well-known, ground-breaking and it truly fascinated him. Even though they belonged to the same hospital, both of them were usually too busy to have a lengthy discussion about research.  But there was also Snape to consider, his ex-lover would still be coming no matter what, because he was the director of this hospital. The mere thought of the possibility of having to look after the hospital booth together was making him cringe.

 

He gritted his teeth. _To hell with Snape! I’m not going to let him continue ruining my life even now!_

 

“Fine… I’ll do it,” he finally replied, hoping that he wouldn’t come to regret his decision soon.

 

XxXxX

 

**Severus’s POV**

 

 _Damn that woman! She ought to keep her nose out of my business!_ Severus grumbled darkly. _Of course, Potter wouldn’t be able to refuse the bait when it was dangling right in front of him!_

The whole trip was turning into his own personal inferno on earth. Potter had only spared him one cold glance, after which the green eyed man approached Flitwick and since then they have both been engaged in a lively conversation. When the expo finally opened in the morning, the situation became even worse. He and Potter got the first shift to keep an eye on the booth while Flitwick was holding a presentation in the hall. There was uncomfortable and undeniably awkward tension between them as they provided free public examinations to the visitors in order to promote the hospital service.

 

And it wasn’t helping that one of the visitors at their booth, an old woman, kept complaining about the medicine that her current doctor had prescribed for her. Nothing was more annoying than a person who acted like they knew everything about medicine despite not being a physician themselves. He was so close to strangling the woman when she stormed off, muttering on about how unhelpful whelp he was.

 

If there was anything that Severus hated more than the current medical expo, it was his grandfather. As fate would have it, the old dictator died from a heart attack – most probably because of the unbearable shame – when Lily dumped him at the altar. Actually, it was kind of ironic. It made him lose the love of his life but he was finally free to pursue the career of a surgeon and not have to succeed his family business.

 

XxXxX

 

“Well, well, well… Look who’s here – Severus Snape,” drawled a man with sleek blond hair and a pointed, pale face, coming closer to their booth.

 

Severus nodded slightly to acknowledge the newest visitor, “Lucius.”

 

He silently made an observation that Lucius Malfoy hasn’t really changed much over the years, with his trademark long, blond – almost silver hair and the ever present smug expression on his face. He had first met him when they were medicine students at Stanford. Though Lucius never graduated from that medical school, they always kept a good relationship – well, mostly it was Lucius who was keeping in contact with him – even when he was working as a surgeon in U.S. and Lucius was doing his business in the U.K. In a sense, Lucius was one of the very few friends that he had.

 

Lucius said coolly, “I haven’t heard from you in so long. Narcissa and Draco have been insisting I contact you and invite you to visit us again.

 

“I’ll try to next time,” said Severus flatly.

 

“What? And hide yourself in your cave again? _Non, non!_ Narcissa will be displeased if you don’t come when you’re here! She’ll think I’m a cold man who won’t offer an invitation an old friend,” protested Lucius, showing the French blood that he inherited from his mother’s line. “You must promise me, you’ll spare some of your time for us tonight.”

 

“Lucius?” called the black haired newcomer. “So you’re here – ah, I see you’re with your… friend.”

 

“Dr. Riddle, let me introduce you to my best friend, Dr. Severus Snape, the renowned Cardiac Surgeon and the Director of St. Mungo’s in London,” said Lucius smoothly. “Severus, this is Dr. Riddle, he is one of the co-owners of Gaunt Hospital.” 

 

He had read about it in the newspaper before. It was the name of a private hospital in London that was acquired by Lucius last January. His friend was originally a rich young man, but he had tripled the wealth that his ancestor had left him by starting his own business, not long after he graduated from Stanford. Now the silver haired man was the owner of many companies in Britain.

 

Dr. Riddle smiled and shook his hand, “It’s an honor to meet you, Dr. Snape. Please call me Tom. And this is…?” The black haired man trailed his words.

 

Severus was quick to realize that Riddle was eyeing the green eyed young man who was standing beside him with an _unhealthy_ amount of interest. He gritted his teeth in annoyance and clenched his fists as he suddenly felt the urge to do physical harm to the newcomer.

 

His companion gave a polite reply, “Harry Potter. Pleased to meet you, Dr. Riddle and Mr.—?”

 

“Malfoy, though please call me Lucius,” said Lucius warmly. His friend furrowed his brow as he looked at Potter. “Hmm… why is that your name feels familiar?”

 

“The Chosen One,” Dr. Riddle answered so readily that it made him suspicious that the other doctor had known about Potter even before they had been introduced. He saw Potter flinched at the nickname but Lucius and Riddle were both oblivious to it.

 

“Ah, you’re _that_ A  & E doctor!” Lucius brightened at once, taking Potter’s hand and shaking it vigorously. “It is a pleasure to meet you. My son, Draco, said you inspire him to become a doctor like you.”

 

“Thank you, Mr. Malfoy,” said Potter, smiling stiffly. “Although, I still have much to learn myself.”

 

“So modest too!” said Lucius, turning to face him. “I do envy you, Severus. You had such promising youngster in your hospital.”

 

Severus snorted, “Flattery won’t get you anywhere.”

 

Lucius chuckled, “Very true.” He turned to Potter. “Dr. Potter, I extend the invitation to you, please come and have a dinner with us tonight.” Then he glanced back at him and reminded him again. “You too, Severus. I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

 

XxXxX

 

**After dinner at Malfoy’s residence**

 

Severus sat on the chair near the patio, swirling wine around in his glass. He occasionally uttered a polite remark to Narcissa as he watched Potter from the corner of his eyes. The young man was sitting close to Draco and Riddle on the white sofa across the room. The three of them could pass off as a beautiful Rembrandt painting if not for how animatedly Lucius’s son was talking to his new acquaintances.

 

Even though he knew Potter wasn’t his anymore, the feeling in his chest – since he found out that Riddle was also invited – was unmistakably jealously. The already very volatile animosity he felt towards Riddle since he first met the black haired doctor this afternoon was getting worse as time went by. He hated how easy it was for Riddle to make Potter smile and laugh, while he could only make him frown. If given time, it wouldn’t be hard for Potter to fall for Riddle. It didn’t help knowing that Riddle was younger and more attractive than him. And that fact left a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

“Severus, you look distracted tonight, my friend,” Lucius said to him.

 

“I have… something on my mind,” he replied softly, not wanting to explain it.

 

“Hmm, not work again?” asked Lucius good-naturedly. “You really have to take a rest some time.” His silver grey eyes went dreamy and said poetically, “A vacation to some island, enjoying the white sand and the blue sea.”

 

Severus snorted loudly, “It sounds like your own wish.”

 

“My husband is too relaxed,” said Narcissa dryly, sipping on her tea.

 

“You hurt me deeply, my lady wife,” said Lucius, sending meaningful look at his wife. “You know I have worked myself to the bone for you.”

 

Narcissa let out a very unladylike snort into her teacup at that.

 

Severus watched the passing friendly banter with something akin to envy. Once he had wished to have this kind relationship with Lily. An everlasting love. A family to go home to. But he was too clumsy, too awkward, too much of a coward to reach out to anyone. Potter was the only one who was persistent enough to deal with him. He regretted pushing Potter away from him. A chance to be happy had been given to him and he had foolishly thrown it away.

 

 _Look at him, isn’t he happier now, than when he was with you? Even though his happiness is your pain, will you not grant it?_ He asked himself. The answer was perfectly clear: Yes, he would give everything to make Potter happy. If a new love was what Potter needed, so be it.

 

**End of Chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Harry’s POV**

 

“Ah, finally, the annoying little flea is gone, now we can talk,” said Riddle sweetly, his face changing from the small, polite smile to a seductive smirk.

 

Harry was stunned and actually feeling a bit hurt by the passing comment. Riddle had just called the son of the owner of the house – which could easily pass for a royal palace – an annoying flea.

 

When he had arrived at this house, he was shocked to find that Malfoy Sr. was a very wealthy man. Coming from a middle-class household, he had never stepped into a huge house like this. His dad was a professional limo driver, which provided a steady, but not overly luxurious income. Actually, his mum told him that his dad had been her driver before they started meeting and fell in love. But seeing at how happy his parents were, he had never – not even an ounce – regretted to be born as their son. He grew up being showered with love until the day they died.

 

His stomach churned with nervousness and his hand was damp with sweat when Malfoy Sr. introduced him to his wife, Narcissa, who looked every inch like a regal duchess. She made him feel unworthy of being there wearing his plain jeans and t-shirt. Well, at least he thought so until her son and his dog entered the room with paint all over themselves. The way she pinched and twisted Draco’s ears reminded him of his own mother.

 

And Draco himself was okay. It was obvious that he grew up spoiled by his parents and it was no wonder that he turned out to be a quite selfish young man. But when Draco talked so enthusiastically about becoming a doctor, he was reminded of his past self.

 

“You’re rather… blunt, Dr. Riddle,” he said slowly.

 

“Why yes, I am,” said Riddle with a smile that reminded him of a cartoon spider when smiling at the trapped butterfly. “And please, call me Tom, especially when we’re going to have a private chat.”

 

“Okay…Tom,” he replied and tried to smile though it came out a little too forced.

 

“You’d better give up, he’s not worth the trouble,” said Tom.

 

“Who? Draco?” asked Harry, confused with the completely out of the blue statement.

 

Tom smiled and lowered his voice as if they were sharing a secret, “No, I mean Severus Snape, I notice the way you look at him.” When he kept silent, Tom added, “You don’t have to worry, I share your sexual preference.”

 

Harry looked warily at him. “I’m afraid I don’t get it, Tom.”

 

“You are what? Twenty-six?” asked Tom.

 

“Thirty,” replied Harry curtly.

 

“Your age is the same as mine…” Tom trailed and stared at him with an assessing look that made him feel uncomfortable. “You look _younger_ than your actual age, and you _work_ for A  & E,” said Tom in a tone that could only be interpreted as praise as every doctor knew that A & E department had _crazy_ working hours and Tom wasn’t the first person that had complimented his unusual ageless look that he inherited from his mum.

 

“Thanks, I guess,” mumbled Harry, somehow not feeling happy about the praise. “But I still fail to see how age has anything to do with it.”

 

 “Ah, you see… it has everything to do with it. He won’t be able to _treasure_ you… as much as _I do_ ,” said Tom.

 

Harry narrowed his eyes, starting to get irritated at the direction this conversation was taking now _, he couldn’t have implied something so crude, could he?_

 

“In bed _,_ you mean?” he deadpanned.

 

“ _Precisely_ ,” said Tom with a confident smile that he might find attractive if the other man’s words weren’t so bloody arrogant.

 

Annoyance flickered across Harry’s face before it was gone and replaced by a fake smile. As much as he wanted to spit out that Severus Snape never had any difficulties in bed, he was fully aware that he _no longer_ had the right to speak about these things.

 

“Am I right to assume that you’ve just hit on me?” asked Harry almost playfully, giving him his _most_ innocent smile.

 

When Tom said yes, he turned him down flatly, “I’m sorry but I can only – you know – _get it up_ with men older than forty.”

 

That statement was full of trash. He was bisexual and age had never been the problem before, not that he would say it to _dear_ Tom. He had expected that Tom would probably gape at him or at least looking flustered. Unfortunately, the black haired man had perfect control of his facial muscle.

 

“I see…” Tom said, no change in his quiet, thoughtful tone, and without removing his eyes from him. “Then, you won’t mind if we go out sometimes as friends?”

 

Harry smiled at him, feeling irritated inside. “Of course, I will, as a friend.” Then he purposely looked at his watch and turned his head to Snape before speaking out loud enough to be heard from across the room. “This is late enough. Dr. Snape, do you mind if we go back to the hotel now?”

 

Snape lifted his head, apparently startled by the sudden question, and said quietly, “No, of course not.”

 

“So quickly?” said Draco in a disappointed tone, not hiding that he was feeling upset.

 

Lucius reprimanded his son, “Now, now… Draco, they still have to attend the expo tomorrow.” 

 

“Then can I go to the expo tomorrow, father?” asked Draco.

 

“If your mentor allows you,” replied Lucius.

 

“They will if you talk to them,” said Draco pleadingly to his father.

 

“Go ask your mother, I’ll talk to them if she says yes,” said Lucius firmly.

 

“But father, mother will never allow me,” pouted Draco, acting quite childish for someone of his age, considering that the young man was already a junior house officer. When his father didn’t budge to his plead, he slumped in defeat and sniffed, “Fine... I’ll ask mother.”

 

Satisfied with his son’s answer, Lucius turned to face them and said, “I’ll get my driver to drive you back.”

 

Harry opened his mouth faster than Severus. “No, please, we’ll be alright by ourselves.”

 

“I can drive you both back, my hotel also goes that way,” interrupted Tom.

 

“No,” Harry turned down Tom’s offer flatly at once. “Actually, I want to take a look of this city at night. This is my first time visiting Paris.”

 

“By car, it’s more—,” argued Tom.

 

Harry shook his head and said firmly, “I always love to take a good walk. I believe Dr. Snape is more than capable to show me the way back to our hotel.”

 

Snape threw him a strange look, the light glinting in his dark eyes before giving him a slight nod.

 

“I think it’s a good idea, this area is quite safe even at night,” said Malfoy Sr. to him with a smile and in the process rendering Tom silent.

 

Harry smiled gratefully to him. “Then we ought to go now, thank you for your hospitality Mr…” Lucius sent him a warning glance not to call him by his surname which made him grin at him. “… Lucius, please send my warm regards to your wife.”

 

Never had he realized that Riddle was soon going to ruin his evening.

 

XxXxX

 

 _That bloody pompous bastard!_ Harry stomped off, muttering furiously _. How dare him to kiss me in front of them!_ It took all of his will power to prevent himself, not to take that cocky smile and shove it up Riddle’s arse. Harry rubbed his lips harshly, feeling disgusted that Riddle had manhandled him and tried to slip his tongue in as the others watched them with shock.

 

 “Pot—Dr. Potter, wait!” Snape called him, struggling to keep up.

 

Harry threw a very angry look at Snape albeit he knew it wasn’t the other man’s fault that Riddle wouldn’t take a _‘no, I’m not interested’_ as an answer.

 

Snape frowned then raised his eyebrow at him, “Do you even know where you are going?”

 

“ _I don’t fucking care_!” he growled.

 

XxXxX

 

**Severus’s POV**

Severus didn't know who'd been more shocked at the outburst: Potter, who turned green at once and looked like he was going to throw up, or himself, who was at the receiving end of the misplaced anger.

 

“Sorry,” Potter mumbled, shoving his hand into his coat’s pocket.

 

It was clear that he had drawn the wrong assumption about Potter and Riddle. 

 

“Don’t be,” said Severus quietly, feeling guilty.

 

If only he wasn’t so busy with his own miserable feeling to notice that Potter didn’t actually enjoy the attention given to him by Riddle, he would have taken the younger man back to their hotel before the disaster struck.

 

XxXxX

 

They walked back side by side in silence. Potter still had a very irritated look on his face that made him want to plunge Riddle into boiling oil and chop his guts up for dog food. He would be damned to hand over Potter to a rude man like Riddle who didn’t take Potter’s feelings into account before proceeding. He knew that despite Potter’s age and his bold moves at the beginning of their relationship, the green eyed man was a romantic at heart.

 

Severus slipped his hand into his own coat pocket, fingering a velvet box which had taken a permanent place there since half a year ago. He had spontaneously brought it when he walked back home influenced by the conversation that they had one day before.

 

XxXxX

 

_Potter hugged him from behind and sniffed. “Smells good,” his lover said, pressing a kiss on his neck, half nibbling it with his soft warm lips. “What are you cooking?”_

_“Something that is more nutritious than your potato chips,” said Severus dryly._

_“Ah ha!” Potter murmured near his ear. “I knew it! You have something against my potato chips.”_

_Severus deadpanned, “I obviously don’t. Go and take a bath, Potter. You stink.”_

_“You love me no more if I stink?” Potter shook his head dramatically. “You don’t know what you’ll miss.”_

_Severus snorted, “I’m the cook. No bath, no dinner.”_

_“You’re a cruel man, Severus Snape,” Potter chuckled, his hot breath tickling his skin and giving him goosebumps._

_Severus tried not to shiver and resisted the urge to kiss his lover. It would be a pity to burn today’s dinner. Potter gave him one last kiss on the neck before he walked to the door. He was reaching out for the plates when Potter called his name._

_“Sev…”_

_“What?” Severus asked, raising his eyebrow at Potter._

_“I think you’ll make a good wife,” said Potter earnestly._

_Severus caught himself before he could gape at his lover and tried to hide the relapse by sneering, “Have you managed to hit your head on the way here? I’m not a female, Potter. You’ve seen it for yourself.”_

_Potter tilted his head a little to one side as if he were considering his words before he looked at him again and smiled, “I wouldn’t mind having a male wife.”_

_Severus opened his mouth, but closed it without uttering any sound, failing to come up with a good reply as Potter disappeared into the bathroom and that moment slipped by._

XxXxX

And now that chance was lost forever but still, he couldn’t throw away the small box.

 

Potter had never been a dream lover for him. He was a very real person and a naturally messy one. The younger man had always left what he called an ‘animal trail’ around the apartment.

 

Used towels were thrown carelessly over the chair. Books and magazines were found in the weirdest places after Potter read anything. Empty potato chip wrappers piled up on top of the table, and said table would always move several inches from its original position because Potter often stumbled and hit his toes badly on it.

 

While living with Potter wasn’t exactly heaven-sent, being with him was never boring. His apartment was no longer just a place for him to get some rest. It had turned into something more inviting, a place to call home.

 

Not to mention that it was really nice to have an equal, someone to converse with about almost everything, someone who would understand if you had an emergency call in the middle of the night, and above all else, Potter was simply that _special_ someone for him. Someone who would be there for him to love and would love him in return.

_Maybe,_ said a tiny truthful voice inside of his head _, you still hope that he’ll come back to your side._

 

Severus took a deep breath and called him, “…Potter?”

 

Potter stopped walking and looked at him questioningly.

 

Severus coughed nervously into his hand. Potter blinked at him as he waited for him to speak. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again. His courage was fading quickly. He swallowed hard and tried it again. “I…”

 

“Yes?”

 

It was getting harder for him to say it when Potter was staring at him like this, piercingly and inquisitively. “I…”

 

The moment was suddenly interrupted by a loud ring tone that shocked both of them. ‘ _And, oh, the shame. Oh, the shame! Thought of changin' my name.’_

“Sorry, it’s mine,” said Potter, fumbling around in his pocket for his cell phone.

 

Potter pressed the button and answered it, “Oh, hey, Ginny… No, don’t worry, you didn’t interrupt anything.” Potter walked away, still speaking to his phone. “ _No way!_ _Really?_ ” He laughed low. “I really want to see it…”

 

Severus stood there seething with anger as Potter talked cheerfully to the phone. Of course, Potter wouldn’t want Riddle to kiss him. He had already managed to get himself a girlfriend. He was a fool to think otherwise!

 

“Err, what did you say again?” asked Potter when he finished talking on the phone.

 

“Forget it,” snapped Severus harshly then strode off with barely suppressed rage.

 

**End of Chapter 4**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Harry’s POV**

 

“It’s a pity that I couldn’t meet this Riddle guy,” said his best friend, Hermione, after he told her of the events that transpired in Paris as they take an evening break in the staff’s lounge.

 

Harry shuddered and said irritably at her, “Don’t jinx it, ‘Mione! I hope I won’t ever have to meet him again!”

 

“But still, it’s really intriguing. The only other person that I know who can make you this aggravated is…” Hermione quickly caught herself before she could say the name and then looked at him guiltily.

 

Harry really hated that. His friends were so careful not to say _that_ name around him, as if he was going to break down any minute.  Not to mention the pity he saw in their eyes every time.

 

“Snape, his name is Snape, you can say it. I’m fine with it, ‘Mione.”

 

“Harry…” Hermione bit her lower lip and clasped her hands nervously before saying quietly, “Do you still love him?”

 

Harry closed his eyes, a troubled look passing over his face. He couldn’t lie to himself. As much as he tried to tell himself that he only felt anger and hurt towards Snape, some mornings – even if only for a fleeting moment – he would wake up and wish that all the things that had happened were just a bad dream. That Snape was still his, and not that woman’s— that Snape' unfaithfulness was just a lie fabricated by his own imagination.

 

 _So do I still love him?_ He repeated that question to himself.

 

Harry swallowed painfully. “Heaven help me, but… I still do,” he said, showing her a bitter smile, filled with self-loathing.

 

“Oh, Harry…” Hermione cried and flung her arms around him at once. “It’s so hard to see you like this …”

 

Harry buried his head in her shoulder and choked back his angry tears. She tightened her hold on him and said firmly, “Just remember, Ron and I will always stand by you, no matter what!”

 

He leaned back and tried give her a reassuring smile. She and Ron were the siblings that he never had. They had always stuck with him through the good and the bad. If he was hurt, they would always be there for him, and vice versa. He was really lucky to have met them.

 

"Thanks, ‘Mione,” he said softly before adding a playful tone to his next words, “Don't worry so much or you'll make yourself sick, future mum. Then Ron will have no choice but to kill me.”

 

Hermione froze then looked at him with surprise and raised her eyebrow. “How did you—?”

 

“I have my sources,” he said with a mysterious smile before winking at her. “Congrats, Hermione!”

 

“Thanks, Harry,” said Hermione, smiling softly and then adding with a hushed voice, “ _But_ don’t tell Ron, he doesn’t know about this yet. I’m planning for it to be a Christmas surprise.”

 

“Blimey, what’s this?” said Ron, poking his head from the doorway. “My wife is having an affair with my best friend and I wasn’t invited?”

 

Harry snorted, “Ron, you big baby…”

 

He stopped talking when his eyes caught on what the red haired man was holding. With a wide taunting grin, his best friend opened his Walkers’s BBQ Rib packet, grabbed a handful of the potato chips and started to munch on it.

 

“Oy, that’s mine!” he protested loudly. “How did you find it? Ron, you greedy prat, give it back to me!”

 

He was aware that Hermione was giggling at them as he tried to wrestle it back from Ron, with not much success.

 

XxXxX

 

Harry looked mournfully at the empty wrapper. Sad, so sad, his little joy in life didn’t even last a few minutes. He still didn’t know how Ron still managed to find it, even though he had changed the location of his secret stash of potato chips.  

 

“You’re such a pig, Ron,” Harry scowled and pointed to the empty wrapper. “I was saving that for tomorrow.”

 

Ron sucked on his fingers and grinned, “They were there for eating, not for saving.”

 

 “You—,” said Harry, narrowing his eyes angrily at the red haired man, already prepared to rant about how it couldn’t be found in any shops near St. Mungo’s and he had to buy it in a shop that was _miles and miles_ from the hospital.

 

“Dr. Potter?” called a nurse from the open door.

 

Harry turned his head towards the voice. “Yes?”

 

“This was just delivered for you a moment ago,” the woman said, and he looked down at what she was carrying.

 

Harry looked blankly at the bouquet of red roses that she brought in with her.

 

“From your patient?” asked Hermione curiously.

 

“I dunno, maybe,” Harry answered, shrugging, making no move to take it from the nurse.

 

“The man who delivered this said that it was from Tom Riddle,” said the nurse.

 

Harry’s face went sour at once. “Send it back to the delivery man.”

 

“But… he’s already left,” replied the nurse awkwardly.

 

Harry sighed, “You can take it, or throw it away, I don’t care.”

 

“Wait, Harry, won’t you even look at the card?” Hermione asked him.

 

“I don’t even want to touch it,” said Harry, making a disgusted face at her.

 

“Then can I go, Dr. Potter?” asked the nurse impatiently, clearly feeling awkward in this situation.

 

“Sure, sorry for the trouble,” Harry apologized to her.

 

“No worries, Doctor,” she replied curtly, giving him a foul look that told him indirectly that she was actually feeling rather troubled before leaving the room with the bouquet.

 

Ron was looking from Hermione to him in confusion. “You know what? I don’t get it! What are you both talking about? Who’s this Riddle guy?”

 

Harry left it to Hermione to explain it to Ron.  The more he thought about Riddle the more annoyed he was. It was too troublesome. Come on, who would send red roses to a man? It was too cheesy. He had never tried to do that when he was wooing Snape. It suited both of them since it turned out that neither appreciated flowers. Besides his idea for a perfect date was watching Lion King while snuggling to his lover and he couldn’t imagine Riddle ever doing that. Riddle was _too_ classy.

 

 _Though Snape was also not a person one would expect to do that,_ his inner voice reminded him, _he still had done that countless times with you._

Harry sighed then shook his head. _No,_ w _hat’s in the past remains in the past._ _Haven’t I decided to move out as soon as Christmas ended? Don’t look back, focus on the future, Harry!_ He scolded himself mentally.

XxXxX

**Severus’s POV**

 

Severus Snape was not a happy man when he heard about the rose bouquet. The gossip had spread fast among the nurses that Dr. Potter recently gained a male admirer. The hushed voices gossiping in a scandalous tone could be heard everywhere, making his head throb with a horrible headache.  

 

“Severus, I thought the trip was supposed to mend your relationship with Dr. Potter,” Minerva confronted him at his office later the same day. “What’s with this Riddle guy that I’ve heard about?”

 

Severus sneered, his lips thinned in displeasure. “The purpose of the trip was to gain knowledge about the newest medical technology and treatments.”

 

“Rubbish! Did you know that Potter asked for a transfer today?” said Minerva, arching her eyebrow elegantly.

 

“Yes,” replied Severus tersely, offering no more explanation.

 

The truth was, Potter had left his letter of resignation on his desk while he was doing his morning rounds.

 

“And you’re not going to stop him?” said Minerva, furrowing her brow in a concerned manner.

 

“It is not my place to interfere with Potter’s decision,” snapped Severus coldly, giving her a quick sarcastic smile which disappeared at once. “Nor is it yours.”

 

Minerva pursed her lips tightly in disapproval before finally saying grudgingly, “Very well... But I insist you take a holiday.”

 

“Stop your nagging, Minerva. I’ll be fine,” Severus said dismissively to the other doctor, picking up one of his patients’ medical chart from his desk. 

 

“No, you are not,” said Minerva crossly.  “How long has it been since you’ve taken a day off?”

 

When he said nothing, she went on, “Have you even seen how you look lately? You’ll be no help to the patients if you ruin your own health.” She sent him a stern glare. “This cannot continue! You have to cease your stubbornness, Severus! Go and take a rest. The hospital will be _fine_ even if you’re gone for a few days.”

 

“Do I have a say in this?” Severus raised his eyebrow at her in a sardonic manner as Minerva stared down at him like he was a misbehaving child.

 

Minerva was the only one – besides Potter – who ever dared to reprimand him like this. Ever since he had transferred into St. Mungo’s, the older woman had forcibly taken the position of his second mother. No matter how hard he tried to be aloof and haughty, he still couldn’t manage to deny her anything, especially when the argument was soundly.

 

 “I suppose the answer is no,” he muttered under his breath in a resigned tone, knowing he would get no further in the argument.

 

**End of Chapter 5**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Severus’s POV**

 

Severus paced around his apartment like a caged beast. He had been feeling restless since he had taken the day off yesterday. He tried to avoid going home and preferred to sleep over at the hospital because the place reminded him too much of Potter. The times they shared a hug, kiss or made love inside of it were haunting his conscience every waking moment. It was a painful reminder of the fact that Potter would never be there for him again.

 

XxXxX

 

“Dr. Snape, I thought you’re on holiday?” asked the Matron – a very senior nurse at St. Mungo – who was surprised to see him on the hospital.

 

Severus froze in his steps, briefly looking around nervously, before focusing his attention on the woman with brown, speckling grey hair who was standing in front of him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was just checking because he was a good doctor, right?

 

Though, if he was truthful with himself, Minerva would have his hide if she spotted him here.

 

“No—no emergency?” he asked her with difficulty, cringing inwardly at his own flustered voice.

 

“Yes, it’s strangely quiet this year, Dr. Snape,” answered the Matron, giving him a smile.

 

“I see—that’s good to hear,” he replied quietly, his eyes downcast, feeling mildly disappointed even though it was supposed to be good news for everyone.

 

“Is there something that I can help you, Dr. Snape?” asked the matron.

 

“No, I…” Suddenly feeling awkward, Severus cleared his throat and said with more composure, “You know where to reach me if they need me.”

 

“Don’t worry, Dr. Snape. I do have your number just right there,” the nurse assured him, pointing to the nurse station, then added more warmly, “And Happy Christmas to you, sir.”

 

“Happy Christmas to you too, Poppy,” Severus replied to the holiday greetings without much thought.

 

XxXxX

 

Severus walked back to his apartment then took out his car and visited his tailor, taking a long time to choose the color and material for his new suit, which earned himself a strange look from the old woman who owned the store since he usually ordered it via phone. After that he went to get a haircut and left the barber shop with a hair much shorter than he would have preferred. He also went to the local store to buy enough groceries to feed a king’s entire army.

 

He had considered watching a movie to spend his time but it was full of Christmas themed movies that made him shy away sooner than the idea of going to a blind-date like Minerva had always suggested. And all the couples that gathered around the theatre seemed to mock how he was going to spend his Christmas alone.

 

XxXxX

 

**Harry’s POV**

 

 _“What are you doing here?”_ hissed Harry to the black haired man who had just approached him.

 

“Like everyone else, I was invited,” said Riddle smoothly, waving to a blonde haired woman. “She’s my date for the evening.”

 

Harry grumbled with dislike. He knew that woman. She was Ron’s ex-girlfriend and also an A & E nurse with a penchant for gossip and always obviously thirsted for more, seeing that she invited Riddle to St. Mungo’s annual Christmas ball.

 

“Leave me alone, I’ve already got a date,” said Harry crossly.

 

“I know, Ron Weasley’s sister,” Riddle replied easily. “How _kind_ of you to go out with her because she broke up with her boyfriend.”

 

Harry’ eyes flashed with annoyance then he sneered with disdain, “What are you, a _stalker?_ ”

 

“I’d rather to say that I’m knowledgeable,” said Riddle, not looking the least bit insulted.

 

Harry rolled his eyes. How could anyone be that thick-skinned?

 

“Harry,” called his date, frowning at the way Riddle leaned closely to him. “ _Who is this?_ ”

 

“Tom Riddle, pleased to make your acquaintance,” said Riddle with a smile that told her that he was actually looking down at her.

 

Ginny bristled at the rude behavior and didn’t welcome Riddle’s outstretched hand. “Ginny Weasley, though I can’t say that I’m pleased to meet you.”

 

Harry looked at the ceiling, sighing ruefully as Ginny grabbed his arm to pull him closer to her. He felt like a bone being fought over by two dogs. And it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. This was going to be the worst evening of his life. Why did he even agree to come again? Oh, yes, Hermione said something about it being too sad to mope alone in his own apartment at Christmas.

 

“I’m going to get a drink,” said Harry glumly. When both of them argued who would accompany him, he snapped irritably, _“Alone!”_

 

XxXxX

 

Harry was holding his punch, weaving his way through the crowd when a laughing woman took a step back and accidentally knocked his glass out of his hand. He winced as some of it splashed onto his white shirt, dying it with red.

 

“Oh my… I’m so sorry,” said the woman with a panicked gesture, trying to dab at his ruined shirt with tissues.

 

“That's all right,” Harry assured her politely, and froze when he looked properly at her.

 

Harry stared sharply at her, not because she was an attractive woman with a pretty face but because of entirely different reason. _“You…”_

 

“Oh, honey, I told you to take it easy with your drink,” reprimanded the man with a brown hair who stood beside her. “Please forgive my wife, sir, she’s quite clumsy sometimes.”

 

“ _Your wife?_  Are _you sure?_ ” Harry choked, his eyes widening in disbelief.

 

The man laughed wholeheartedly. “I’m very sure, sir, for I have endured her clumsiness for years.”

 

“How? Snape and you…?” gasped Harry, revulsion and fury rose in him like vomit.

 

She frowned and took a hold on his arm. “Let’s go to the restroom, sir. I can prevent it from staining your clothes.”

 

XxXxX

 

“Your husband didn’t know, did he?” Harry cornered her as soon as they entered the restroom.  “That you’re cheating on him with Snape?”

 

“Snape?” She looked at him with surprise. “You mean, Severus Snape? How ridiculous!”

 

“You won’t say the same if your husband finds out about what you have done,” said Harry coldly, feeling terribly disgusted with her, then turned to leave.

 

“Wait!” She stopped him, clutching his wrist tightly. “I really don’t know what you are talking about!”

 

Harry snorted with disbelief and contempt, “I saw you with my own eyes, _naked,_ in Snape’s bed.”

 

“Bed?” she frowned at him. “How did you—? _Oh!_ I see… you’re his lover, aren’t you?”

 

 _“I was,”_ Harry corrected her. “Not anymore thanks to you.”

 

“Was…?” She repeated and stared open mouthed at him before muttering a low curse. “He didn’t explain it to you?”

 

“Explain what?” Harry spat crossly at her.

 

“I— my mother’s maiden name is Prince,” she said with an expectant look but then looked disappointed when he said nothing and gave her a blank stare.

 

“He really didn’t tell you anything, did he?” She muttered, “Not that I blame him, wanting to forget about that _manipulative_ old fox.” She licked her lips and went on, “How can I make you believe me…?  Oh, I know!” she exclaimed. “Do you know that Severus’s mother _was_ Eileen Prince?”

 

“Prince?” Harry blurted out in surprise. “Then you are…?”

 

“I’m Rosmerta, his cousin,” she answered it for him.

 

“That means…” said Harry breathlessly, hope against hope, as he put two and two together.

 

“ _Obviously_ , I never slept with him,” she affirmed it for him, smiling slightly with dimples on her cheeks which made her look even prettier.

 

“That still doesn’t explain why you were naked in his bed,” said Harry, staring at her doubtfully. She was the sort of a woman with a very curvy body, just like every man had always preferred – even Harry, himself, had to admit that her figure was pleasant to the eyes. He had a feeling that it was very easy for her to seduce anyone that she wanted. “Or why Snape was in his bathrobe.”

 

Rosmerta blushed and looked positively embarrassed at this point. “I… I thought my husband was cheating on me – he and Severus are quite a bit _younger_ than me – so I always feel...” She paused at her unintentional blabber, blushed harder, then went on, “Oh, never mind… So I was dead drunk that night – Severus and I were rather close, you know, when we were young – somehow, I gave his address to the taxi driver, so the man hauled me there, and…” She gave him a sheepish smile. “…when he opened the door, I just sort of puked on him and myself. Except for that, nothing happened, I swear! Severus just helped me and that’s all.”

 

Harry blinked as the bits and pieces of the story all come back together. He vaguely remembered the nasty odor that he had smelt on the front porch. His eyebrow twitched in annoyance, betraying what he truly felt inside. Snape was an idiot! Why didn’t he tell him?

 

“Don’t be too hard on Severus,” said Rosmerta, biting her lips, as she looked at him worriedly.

 

Harry closed his eyes, trying to curb his anger – not wanting to unleash it on the wrong person – then opened them again with a sigh, “I—I’ll try not to. Thank you for explaining it to me.”

 

“No, it is me who should apologize to you, it’s all my fault,” said Rosmerta, looking guilty. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

 

“It’s alright…” Harry assured her softly. All of this was just a complicated misunderstanding. He couldn’t hate her – although she had unknowingly caused him pain – simply because he knew perfectly well how hard it was for not knowing whether the other party returned your feeling or not. It seemed everyone was a coward when it came to love. But now, he would rather be hurt than not knowing Snape’ feeling towards him anymore. “I… I really should go now.”

 

“Ah, yes, of course,” Rosmerta said with a knowing smile. “May I know your name?”

 

“Harry, Harry Potter, but you can call me Harry,” replied Harry much more warmly to her now as he walked to the door.

 

“Then I wish you good luck, Harry,” said Rosmerta earnestly.

 

Harry smiled at her and once more said his thanks before leaving the restroom.

 

XxXxX

 

“Harry, where have you been?” asked Ginny before paused and gasped at his ruined shirt with unhidden shock. “What—what happened to you?”

 

“I have to go now,” Harry told her, feeling both impatient and slightly desperate.

 

“What?” Ginny and Riddle exclaimed together before briefly glaring at each other with mutual dislike.

 

Ginny turned to him and said in an incredulous tone, “You can’t just go, Harry!”

 

“She is right, there is a warning that there’s a storm coming,” Riddle agreed reluctantly with her then went on, “Most people decided to book a room in this hotel for tonight.”

 

“Storm?” Harry repeated with a frown and strode to the beautifully crafted window, peering out. It was raining heavily outside but the storm hadn’t arrived yet. Logically, it was foolish to go out in this kind of weather. But the matters of heart were different from the matters of mind. And his heart demanded him to go at this very minute.

 

“I’m sorry Ginny, but I really have to go now,” said Harry before running to the exit as fast as he could, pushing his way through the crowd.

 

“Harry, wait!” Ginny shouted desperately at him when she failed to follow him. “Where are you going?”

 

“Home!” he shouted back. “I’m going home!”

 

**End of Chapter 6**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 

**Harry’s POV**

 

Harry felt the cold rain mercilessly pound upon his water proof coat as he shifted his motorcycle gear. The temperature had drastically dropped since he went out of the hotel parking lot. He was silently grateful that he remembered to apply the anti-fog to his visor since even with a clear visor he could barely see for more than one meter in front of him.

 

His shoes were getting wet as the rain seeped inside of them, he was fully aware that he had successfully ruined the only leather shoes he had and was probably freezing his toes off. He almost fell off his motorcycle when he took a turn at the intersection and was forced to lower his speed. It wouldn’t do any good if he was to break his neck. No matter how important the matter was.

 

The trip that usually took only half an hour was extended into one and half hour. Harry had to take shelter for a while when the sky dropped hailstone the size of 20 pence coins. When he finally reached Snape’s apartment, he was already completely drenched and cold from head to toes. The raincoat proved to be absolutely useless. The doorman threw him a scandalized look as he walked across the lobby’s pristine white floor, dripping a trail of murky water on it, in order to reach the lift.

 

XxXxX

 

Harry glared at the closed door. He had already tried pressing the bell and knocked on it but there was no response.  Either Snape refused to meet him or the older man wasn’t home.

 

He sniffed then shouted loudly and kicked the door. “Snape, you’re an idiot!”

 

 _“I beg your pardon?”_ said a voice icily from behind him.

 

Harry turned around so quickly that he almost slipped down. A powerful emotion rose in his chest at the sight of Snape, standing there a few feet away from him with a scowl on his face, carrying what seemed to be a mountain of groceries. He could have kissed him right here and now as he felt the rush of relief wash over him. But _no_ , not before that he did what he came to do. He walked closer and delivered a hard punch with a resounding crack to Snape’s jaw that made the older man’s knees buckle.

 

“OW!” Harry howled at once, clutching his right knuckles.

 

“Ah, fuck…!” he muttered, grimacing slightly from the pain while Snape was staring at him with a priceless dumbfounded expression from the floor.

 

“You bloody well deserved that, you bastard!” he said viciously to Snape.

 

When Snape didn’t get up and kept staring at him like he had grown another head, Harry said sarcastically, “Well, I’m cold and wet, aren’t you going to let me in?”

 

That comment got the older man moving immediately. Snape took out his keys and opened the door while muttering about dunderheads and irresponsible behavior under his breath.

 

 “Go take a bath, Potter,” Snape ordered him. “I won’t have your death on my conscience.”

 

XxXxX

 

Harry stepped into the bathroom, shivering badly as he took off his clothes. His teeth were chattering as he stepped into the hot shower. The first touch of hot water stung his skin and it took a while before he began to feel his toes again. He was reaching for the soap when he heard footsteps coming closer.

 

“Have you lost your bloody mind, Potter? What the hell do you think you were doing in a storm like this?” snapped Snape angrily.

 

 “Don’t be fussy,” he snapped back from the cubicle. “It’s all your fault, Snape.”

 

“How can it be _my_ fault?” said Snape. He could imagine a frown on the older man’s face when he said that.

 

“You—,” said Harry but failed to continue because he began to sneeze and kept on sneezing so badly that it felt like he was going to expel his lungs out.

 

“Potter, finish your bath first, we’ll talk later,” said Snape in a concerned tone. “I’ll leave the towel and clothes on the usual place.”

 

Harry sniffed, seeing no point in arguing with him and replied, “Ok.”

 

XxXxX

 

“What am I going to do with your shoes?” asked Severus, looking at the offending wet pair with unconcealed disgust.

 

Harry drew the blanket that Snape had lent him closer to himself and sniffed pitifully, “I dunno, throw them out.  I don’t care.”

 

“Still cold?” said Severus, throwing an openly worried glance at him. The older man didn’t wait for his response and opened his liquor cabinet, pouring a half pint of whiskey into the glass then placed it on the table in front of him.

 

“I don’t like whiskey,” said Harry crossly, giving him a pointed look. “You _bloody_ knew that.”

 

 _“Drink.it.”_ Snape said curtly, leaving no room for protest.

 

Harry sniffed again, picking up the whiskey. He scrunched up his nose as he sipped on it. That liquor tasted just as nasty as he could remember. But he did feel a bit warmer five minutes later after he finished the drink. It felt like the alcohol finally melted the ice in his blood.

 

“Potter?” called Snape.

 

“Hmm?” said Harry, slowly nodding himself off to sleep.

 

“Have you forgotten to _explain_ why you’re here?” Snape said sarcastically, narrowing his eyes at him.

 

“You tell me,” Harry leaned back into the seat and countered with a grumble, his eyes half-lidded. “Why didn’t you explain to me that _nothing_ happened that night?”

 

When Snape didn’t say anything, he drew his legs up and muttered, “Just because you didn’t say anything about it, didn’t mean that you didn’t lie to me… you could have spared me a great deal of heartache.”

 

Snape was looking down to the floor and muttered something that he couldn’t hear.

 

“Come again?” asked Harry.

 

“You deserve someone better than me,” Snape repeated it loud and clear.

 

 _That_ chased away his sleepiness. Harry stood up, towering over Snape who was sitting on the armchair opposite of him.

 

“What the hell? What is this whole ‘ _you_ don’t deserve me’?” growled Harry, feeling sick and angry that everyone kept repeating those words to him – even Snape. “Maybe it was _me_ that didn’t deserve you, seeing as you didn’t even bother to explain anything to me!”

 

“It’s not—,” Snape started but then was abruptly cut off.

 

“Did you… did you ever love me?” Harry asked tiredly, his eyes rested on Snape.

 

Snape's mouth set in a hard, firm line, not answering his question.

 

“Fine… I get it, you never loved me,” said Harry, deeply hurt that the love he felt was only his one-sided feeling. It was just his own imagination that Snape actually felt something for him when they were still together. “Just throw away my clothes, will you? I’ll leave yours with one of the nurses before I leave St. Mungo’s,” he continued without looking back as he walked to the front door.

 

However, he never managed to reach the door as a strong hand caught his arm and pulled him straight into Snape’s chest.

 

 “Potter, don’t leave…” Snape said in a constricted voice in his ear.

 

Harry felt his whole body relaxed instantly at hearing Snape’s words. Being pressed this close to the older man, he could feel the soft tremor coming from Snape’s body. It seemed that the older man wasn’t as calm as he looked on the outside. That knowledge make his hurt and anger fade away as fast as it came. Snape had never trembled even when they had met a life and death situation. Yet, the man did today, for him.

 

Harry took a deep breath then turned to face the older man, staring straight into his onyx eyes, and asked softly, “Do you love me, Severus?”

 

Not a past tense because this time, he already knew the answer, but he still needed to hear it from the other man.

 

Snape swallowed hard then said quietly, “Yes, I do love you.”

 

Harry closed his arms around Snape’s neck and gave him a long, deep kiss as soon as the man had admitted his love for him.

 

“I love you too,” Harry murmured against his mouth, cupping Snape’s face gently in his palms.

 

“But…” he paused briefly and leaned back, his face turned serious. “This time I want you to prove it to me.”

 

Snape blinked at the unexpected statement then narrowed his eyes in confusion, “What – what do you mean?”

 

“Let me make love to you,” said Harry quietly. “Then I’ll believe you.”

 

Harry bit his lips nervously as a flush spread up from Snape’s neck to his face. Well, maybe he was asking a bit too much from the older man.

 

“I just want to be your equal,” said Harry slowly. “But if you…” _But if you aren’t ready, I’ll wait for you no matter how long it’ll take._

XxXxX

 

**Severus’s POV**

 

Severus looked at the man he loved. He knew that he only had to wait for a few seconds for Potter to lose his confidence and take his words back. Still, he asked himself, did his pride really matter more than his lover’s happiness?

 

He was given a second chance that he would only dare to dream of in the darkest hour of the night – it was a crutch for him to hold on to when he was in his weakest state and all hope seemed to be lost. Now against all odds, his wish had come true – again all thanks to one Harry Potter. And the only thing his lover asked from him in return for a chance to love him.

 

His green-eyed lover didn’t say let me fuck you, he actually said let me _make love_ to you. There was significant difference from the first one and the latter. One only spoke of the pleasure of the flesh while the other was entirely different.

 

Just like he wanted to make love to his lover, it was only natural that his lover also wanted to make love to him. And to be loved was all that he always wanted, it didn’t matter who would be on top.

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s okay, if you…” Potter’s mumble stopped halfway and he squeaked in disbelief, “ _What?”_

 

“You heard me,” said Severus, arching his eyebrow challengingly.

 

Severus felt a bit offended when Potter – instead of asking him to repeat his words – was suddenly burst into laughter. But only for a moment because he soon noticed that his lover was laughing and crying at the same time.

 

“Potter…” said Severus, eyeing him warily.

 

 _Should he apologize?_ Perhaps he should be more considerate of Potter’s feelings. Just because most of the time, his lover was _very_ obtuse to his harsh words, it didn’t actually mean that it wouldn’t hurt Potter’s feelings.

 

“No, I only…” said Potter in between laughter and a hiccup. “I just feel so happy…”

 

Severus sighed with relief and pulled him closer, pretending to be irritated, “For heaven’s sake, Potter!  Laugh or cry, choose one!”

 

Potter let out a chuckle as a response and pressed his forehead to his shoulder. Severus felt the dampness from his lover’s tears on his shirt and disturbingly _also_ from snot which contained – only God knows how many gazillions of bacteria.  Still, he thought with a slight, fleeting smile, he wouldn’t trade the contentment and happiness that he felt by holding Potter tightly in his arms for anything in this world.

 

**End of Chapter 7**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 

**Harry’s POV**

It was Severus who demanded to move with the ‘buggering’ activities into the bedroom. Harry had to agree with him that only in sappy romances sofas or the floor were viewed as the comfortable space for making love. And yes, he finally could call him Severus again without feeling guilty with himself. The man’s first name sounded much sweeter on his tongue.

 

Harry looked at Severus who was lying on the bed like a sacrificial lamb right now. _I’m the big bad wolf, and I’m going to eat you up_ , he thought, and a tiny smirk graced his features.

He leaned forward, resting his hands on either side of Severus’s head and slowly sliding his knees down on the bed, lowering himself on top of the older man’s body. His lips lazily nibbled on the shell of Severus’s ear while his hands caressed his neck, playing with his raven black hair.

 

“It’s shorter, did you cut it?” he asked curiously, holding the tip of his lover’s slightly wavy hair.

 

To his surprise, Severus blushed at his passing comment. “Just get on with it, Potter.”

 

“Nah,” said Harry with a defiant grin, pressing a kiss to Severus’s soft, black hair. “I’m going to enjoy this slowly.”

 

Harry brought his head closer, crushing his lips to Severus’s. He parted his lips and slipped his tongue into the warm, moist cavity of Severus’s mouth. Severus greedily sucked it deeply and pressed it against the roof of his mouth with his own tongue. He could feel his body responding to the kiss, blood pumping quickly through his veins, the tightening of his underwear on his groin, and the violent pulsing through his stiffening erection.  

 

His hand slid down Severus’s chest and he thrust his hips up suggestively, pressing their arousals together, making the older man moan quietly into the kiss. He popped the buttons off one by one until the last one popped and then slid the material aside; exposing a pale, smooth chest and a flat stomach. He lifted his head and looked at the exposed flesh hungrily.

 

He kept his gaze on Severus’ deep onyx eyes as he put his right palm to his lover’s neck then slid it down teasingly. He teased Severus’s nipple, circling around it with his fingertip until it hardened into a firm peak, then brought his mouth closer and flattened his tongue over the rigid tip. He alternatively licked and sucked on it, closing his teeth carefully around his stiff nipple, determined to at least hear a gasp from his lover.

 

 “Harry…” his lover said his name urgently with a pained moan.

 

Harry stopped his administration and looked up at Severus who was staring back at him. His onyx eyes darkened with unmasked desire. Peering down, he found out that Severus’s hard member strained against his pants. An amused smile graced his lips. Usually, it would take more than a simple caressing to get his lover that aroused.

 

Maybe Severus had developed a liking to the idea of being taken more than he had believed. Severus was breathing hard as his hand slid down, slowly, leisurely, tracing the length of him. With a grin, he bent down and pressed his lips against Severus’s shaft through the material of his pants, slightly mouthing the bulge, making the older man buck his hips and moan loudly. 

 

Severus twisted his fingers roughly into his hair, stopping him. “Enough. I won’t last any longer. It’s been too long.”

 

Harry nodded – _it had been too long for him too_ – and unbuckled his lover’s pants and took them off, leaving him naked save for a little piece of black brief. His hand moved to caress Severus’s thigh while his other hand pulled down the last piece of clothing, revealing a long hard shaft wet with pre-cum which made his throat go dry. He wanted to taste it, lick and swallow around it, making Severus writhe in pleasure till his lover exploded in his mouth, but not this time.

 

 _Later,_ he promised himself and quickly kissed each of Severus’s solid warm thigh before he was tempted to change his initial decision and then got up.

 

He was feeling ravenous as he marveled how the black satin sheet contrasted against his lover’s pale, flushed skin, his lips swollen and parted. _God, he’s beautiful and he’s mine for the taking._ Licking his lips, he hurriedly took off his own clothing. He tried not to laugh with glee as Severus held out an uncapped tub of lubricant to him. Role reversal was kinky. He gave him a kiss as thanks then squeezed some of it out, rubbing the gel with his fingers to warm it up.

 

“You can hold onto me,” said Harry softly, guiding Severus’s hands to his shoulder.

 

As to be expected, Severus’s body tensed as he circled his entrance with his middle finger. Harry pushed his tongue into Severus’s slightly open mouth, hoping to distract the older man before slipping his finger inside of him.

 

“Are you alright?” Harry asked him while pressing soft kisses on Severus’s neck.

 

Severus paused briefly before replied in an almost confused voice, “… yes.”

 

Harry looked at him tenderly. Severus’s reaction was adorable. He was sure that Severus had never bottomed for anyone before. He waited patiently until his lover got used to it before asking for permission to add more fingers.

 

“More?”

 

“Stop asking for each little thing!” snapped Severus, flushing with embarrassment.

 

“If you say so,” Harry replied with an amused smile, gently slipping another finger inside.

 

He explored him with light, teasing fingers, pressing a little inside in a small circle and stretching as much as possible, preparing his lover for much bigger penetration. Severus gave out a startled moan as he twisted his fingers and unexpectedly brushed against the older man’s prostate.

 

“Here?” he asked as he pressed on the same spot.

 

“Yes,” Severus replied with a grunt.

 

Harry tried to memorize that place, determined to give Severus as much pleasure as he could for the man’s first time. It wasn’t until he inserted his third fingers that Severus finally showed a sign of discomfort.

 

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked Severus although he felt like he was going to die if his lover said yes.

 

“No,” said Severus, pulling him down into another kiss.

 

It felt like a decade had passed when Severus at last said to him, “I’m ready.”

 

“You sure?” said Harry, his body trembling with anticipation. He had never made love to anyone before. His relationships – except with Severus – always ended before they went to that final step. It was strangely arousing that Severus was going to have both of his firsts.

 

“Potter, I hate to repeat myself,” said Severus, his lips thinned in displeasure.

 

“Ok,” Harry said with a shaky breath as he positioned himself to Severus’s entrance. “Take a deep breath and try to relax.”

 

He groaned and slowly eased in, feeling Severus’s inner muscle clenching tightly around him. “Fuck… You’re so tight…” he choked out in a low voice. His lover’s inside contracting around him as he was completely sheathed. It felt like being pressed into a hot and endless tunnel, a very much pleasurable one.

 

“Feels so good,” he panted, trying not to come at once.

 

He took a deep breath and caressed Severus’s cheek with his hand, “Do I hurt you, Sev?”

 

 “No – you have prepared me well,” Severus said with a grunt of pleasure as he reached underneath him, tightened his hand around the man’s erection and slowly stroked it. “But if you stop halfway – I’ll make you feel sorry, Potter.”

 

Harry laughed. How typical of his lover to try to intimidate him even when he was at the receiving end.

 

Severus said, glaring at him, “Not funny, Potter… next time you try to be in my position.”

 

 “But I have been in _your_ position, remember?” he grinned teasingly at him.

 

“You’re experienced… I’m not!” Severus scoffed then moaned breathlessly when he pressed his thumb on the head of the older man’s erection, smearing the wetness.

 

Harry chuckled and took a firm grasp of Severus’s waist. “Understood,” he said and kissed him again before withdrawing and thrust back into him.

 

Not wanting to be the only one who felt pleasure, Harry changed his angle till he found the spot that made Severus gasp and moan with pleasure. It didn’t take a long time before Severus started meeting his every thrust, his hole clenching around him, bringing him closer to orgasm.

 

They shared a wet, desperate kiss before he quickened his pace, thrusting forcefully into Severus. Harry slid his hand down and pumped Severus’s shaft, making the older man’s nails dug into his back sharply. He let out a loud almost animalistic groan as his lover’s muscle tightened around him. Severus came first with a loud grunt, spurting his release into his grip. He cried out his beloved’s name as he too reached his climax, driving himself as deeply as he could into the tight heat.

 

Harry was breathing heavily, slumping on top of Severus, shaking in the aftermath of pleasure. He sighed quietly as he withdrew and moved to lie beside his lover. “You okay?” he asked, brushing off a black strand of Severus’s damp hair aside.

 

“Define ‘ _okay’_ ,” Severus said dryly with a ragged breath.

 

Harry chuckled breathlessly then bent down and claimed his lips.

 

When he pulled back, his lover asked quietly, “Is it… Does it always feel like that for you?”

 

“Good or bad?” Harry asked him, not sure which was his lover feeling right now.

 

“Both, my hips and bottom are sore, but yes, I took pleasure from our love making,” Severus said it in a clinical manner, making him blush.

 

“Err, at first… yeah,” said Harry, embarrassed. “But I only feel pleasure now, as I got used to it.” Severus was staring at him with a contemplative look which made him nervous. “I’ll get the wet towels,” he muttered.

 

XxXxX

 

**Severus’s POV**

 

Severus stared pensively at the bedroom’s ceiling. Since the start of their relationship, he had assumed for Potter to take a bottom role. Now that he had finally experienced bottoming himself, he realized that it wasn’t easy to be on the receiving end in a relationship. To let the other man between your legs and invade you would take more than a good amount of trust and yielding of the male pride. Potter must have really loved him to accept that without a protest.

 

“Sev, do you want to do it yourself?” asked Potter, offering him a wet towel.

 

When he didn’t answer and pulled him down into his arms, Potter repeated his name in a confused voice, “Sev?”

 

“Thank you for loving me,” Severus said softly into his ear, his heart felt like it was enveloped in warmth, in the knowledge of just how much the green eyed man loved him.

 

“You don’t sound like yourself. Should I be worried?” said Potter teasingly.

 

“ _Silence_ , Potter,” snapped Severus. “You’re ruining an emotional moment.”

 

Potter chuckled, “Ok… I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

 

XxXxX

 

Potter was lying sideways on the bed, his head propped up on one hand, gazing at him.

 

“This’ll swell,” the green eyed man muttered with a sigh, his fingers trailing to his jaw.

 

Severus winced and caught his lover’s hand. “As you said, I deserved it. Do not regret it now.”

 

A long yawn came out of Potter’s widely opened mouth before he mumbled sleepily, “I’m not.” Then he said with another, shuddering yawn. “Y– you have to tell me about your family sometime.”

 

Severus wrapped his arm securely around him and rubbed his back. “Go to sleep, Potter.”

 

“I will in a sec,” said Potter, yawning again. “What time is it, Sev?”

 

“Almost one,” replied Severus, glancing at the clock on the wall, knowing that his lover was blind as a bat without his glasses, then asked curiously, “Why?”

 

“Happy Christmas, Severus,” said his lover with a smile, snuggling closer to him.

 

Severus’s lips curled up, his gaze softened and he said, “Happy Christmas, Harry.”

 

XxXxX

 

It only took a few seconds before a soft snore was heard. Severus stared at his warm, sleeping lover. It terrified him when he had realized how close Potter was to death when the green-eyed young man gave him the brief explanation about how he met his cousin, Rosmerta, and his trip to Severus’s apartment. He told his lover with a hard and stern voice that he would wring his pretty little neck himself if he ever dared to do that again. He swore only a dunderhead like his lover would ride a motorcycle in a storm like this.

 

“My lovely fool,” Severus said softly, stroking Potter’s cheek with his thumb.

 

Being in the rain for hours and their love making had probably exhausted Potter’s strength. He wouldn’t even be surprised if Potter didn’t manage to wake up early tomorrow morning while Severus, himself, had difficulties with falling asleep. He was feeling restless. All of this seemed very much surreal that he was afraid that it was only a dream.

 

Fate was such a fickle thing. It had taken Potter away but also had given him back. There was no guarantee that Potter would stay in love with him. But one thing that he learnt from their temporary separation was that he wouldn’t be able to let Potter go without a good fight. Life without Potter was too bland and too unbearably lonely.

 

XxXxX

 

Severus stood near the window, staring at the storm which showed no sign of stopping, lost in thought. A faint rustling could be heard from the bed before a hoarse voice called his name.

 

“Sev?”

 

In the dim light, he could only see the shadow of his lover turning his head from side to side in an almost panicked gesture before freezing at his direction. 

 

“Is there an emergency?” asked Potter, squinting his eyes at him.

 

“No,” Severus answered quietly.

 

“Come back to bed?” coaxed Potter.

 

Severus stepped closer, aware that his right hand which was clutching a box inside of his night robe’s pocket was trembling. Back then, when he was young and foolish, he had given a ring to a woman with the most beautiful green eyes that he had ever seen, a woman that had captured his heart and broken it by returning the ring to him. Now her son, with the same green eyes, had the same power over him; maybe even _more_. And it scared him to no end.

 

Severus sat on the edge of the bed then swallowed hard and said quietly, “Give me your hand.”

 

When Potter stuck out his hand to him with a confused glance, he took out the box from his pocket and placed it on his lover’s hand.

 

“What’s this?” Potter asked him confusedly before turning on the night lamp then put his glasses on.

 

Severus felt his chest constrict and a trickle of cold sweat run down his neck, but he forced himself to say in a calm voice, “If you don’t want it _throw it away_ , do not give it back to me.”

 

He watched Potter clutch the box closer to himself in a possessive way.

 

“Throw it away?” said Potter, raising his eyebrow, then wrinkling his nose. “Why would I want to do that? But what is it—?” His lover peered curiously at the box and then opened it.

 

His lover’s eyes turned as wide as saucers when the box opened fully and he could see what lay inside of it. Potter looked up to stare at him, clearly astonished.

 

“You… you’re giving me a ring…” His lover trailed in a slightly dazed tone.

 

Severus tried not to wince and turned his head sideways, afraid to see Potter’s reaction.  As much as he’d like to keep up his cold and uncaring mask, he couldn’t lie to himself. The ring itself was a symbol of the pledge of his unchanging love for his green-eyed lover. A part of his heart would surely break if Potter refused to accept it.

 

He started to say tensely, “Throw— _Oomph_ ,” before he was pressed into the headboard with Potter on top of him and was ravished within an inch of his life. He blinked a few times when the kiss ended and released a breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding. If he was any lesser man, he could have cried with relief.  But fortunately, he wasn’t.

 

It took a moment before Severus finally composed himself and noticed that Potter was staring at him with a mischievous smile on his lips. He frowned and decided that he didn’t like that smile. He had a bad feeling about it. The last time his lover smiled like that, Severus ended up being convinced by him that doing bungee jumping from the top of an old castle somewhere in Scotland was a good idea.

 

**End of Chapter 8**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 

**Severus’s POV**

 

“Do you, Severus Tobias Snape take Harry James Potter to be your lawfully wedded husband?” said the over-cheerful vicar with twinkling blue eyes.

 

Severus inhaled sharply, feeling trapped. He was being swept by the whirlwind called Harry Potter. He silently recalled how their recent make up had lead to him to this - standing in a small chapel somewhere in California beside Potter, taking his nuptial vow by an old vicar who looked more like Merlin on an extreme sugar-high rather than a proper priest.

 

He admitted that he hadn’t been thinking clearly when he agreed to spend the rest of his holiday in San Francisco two days ago. Then again, Potter could be _very_ persuasive when he wanted something. He seriously doubted any living man – that’s _unfortunately_ including himself – could think straight when his lover’s sweet mouth was wrapped around his shaft.  But never had he thought that Potter would bend on his knees and propose to him as soon as they had arrived in San Francisco. 

 

He raved and ranted about how it was a foolish idea to get married to him. What would Lily say if she knew that her son would get leg shackled to him? An old man who would never give him a child, instead of beautiful young girl? But one hurt look from his green eyed lover made his determination melt faster than ice under the sun.

 

Still, guilt and doubt hung heavily on his chest _. It is too fast,_ he told himself. _Potter had no idea what he was doing._ His lover was only entertained by the notion of _forever and more_ because of their recent break up. One of them had to be sensible enough to choose the right decision.

 

He knew he was supposed to say no, but his heart constricted almost painfully when he looked at those wide green eyes stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to say the word that would bind them together. And if he was honest to himself, there was nothing he wanted more in this world than to take Harry Potter as his. Today, Severus Snape, for once in his life, decided to follow his heart.

 

He swallowed hard and answered, quietly but clearly, “… I do.”

 

Potter looked noticeably relaxed when he said that then squeezed his hand gently as if he was saying thank you.

 

“Will you love, respect and honor him throughout your years together?”

 

“I will,” Severus said this time in a steady voice.

 

His heart skipped a beat as he stared at those smiling green eyes. This one came more easily to his tongue than the first one because he knew deep inside that – marriage vow or not – he would keep true to those words.

 

XxXxX

 

**Harry’s POV**

 

Harry sat alone in the hotel’s restaurant, feeling somehow that he was being punished right now. It would seem his new husband wouldn’t join him for dinner. One would have thought that newlyweds were supposed to be all cheerful and happy together, not being miserable, but Severus Snape was too stubborn for his own good.

 

The older man had been so silent after the marriage ceremony they had partaken in this morning and made up a new policy – _keep Harry Potter at arm’s length_ – which he disliked with passion. He couldn’t help but think that Severus was waiting for him to change his mind and annul their marriage.

 

 _Right, so much for trust…_ He grumbled silently.

 

Regardless of what Severus might think, being married to him wasn’t one of his rash decisions. He only found no reason to wait to tie the knot. And that didn’t _essentially_ mean he was being reckless, really.

 

He was different from other men who were afraid of commitment. He actually sought for a bond that would tie him tightly and wouldn’t let go; wished for a bond that would last a lifetime. His parents’ death taught him that life was short. Too short to spend it apart from the people he loved. Each minute, even each second was meaningful and precious, and he wanted to spend time as he could with his loved one. It didn’t matter that his most loved one turned out to be Severus Snape - who was very much a male, old enough to be his father, and on top of it all, had a difficult personality.

 

It was _regrettable_ that both of them being male meant that there would be no little boy or girl that would carry Severus’s DNA—or his own, but there was in no way he could ever choose someone else other than Severus. He _felt_ too much and _cared_ too much for him.

 

Since the first time he realized he fell in love with the older man, he had never stopped yearning for him. To this day, his mouth still watered and his pants were tight when he imagined a naked Severus, and he got the urge to kiss him every time his older lover rewarded him with his rare smile.

 

There was something about the way the older man tried to hide his insecurity by wearing the disguise of coldness and indifference or even contempt that made Harry want to take him into his arms and protect him from the world – which, if he thought carefully, was ridiculous because Severus was _perfectly_ capable of defending himself.

 

Well, if that wasn’t love, then he didn’t know what love was. The problem was that Severus wouldn’t come willingly to him when it came to the case of being married. Their previous talk revealed that the older man thought he wasn’t good enough for him. That it was better if he sacrificed himself and let him go. It was one of the reasons why his lover didn’t even try to justify himself when the cheating incident occurred. And it was quite annoying that Severus was waiting for him to bolt out for freedom – while all he _actually_ wanted was the opposite –when they had just made up. 

 

Severus wasn’t perfect and Harry loved him just the way he was. But he wasn’t a princess that would wait silently in a tower, if Severus wouldn’t come to him then he would be the one who chased and tied him down.  He huffed with satisfaction. That was precisely what he had done. The sooner Severus accepted it, the better it would be.

 

 _No, I’m not wrong,_ Harry tried to convince himself. _He’ll come around._ After all, he had dropped the hints – subtle or not – that he wanted to marry him since before their temporary break-up. He sighed softly and had the urge to bang his head to the table. He had repeated that to himself so many times ever since his husband had given him the cold shoulder.

 

Harry slouched forward and mumbled, _Snape, you’re a right foul git!_

He was about to say more nasty things when he heard footsteps coming closer to their table. He perked up, forgetting his frustration at once and turned his head to greet his brooding husband. However, his smile was soon turned into a dark frown.

 

 _“What are you doing here?”_ He hissed, faintly noticing that he had repeated the same sentence a few days ago.

 

“What a coincidence,” exclaimed Riddle, giving him an innocent smile.

 

“Coincidence, my arse!” Harry said, gnashing his teeth in annoyance.

 

“May I sit here?” asked Riddle and before he could say no, the other man already sat in the place where Severus should be.

 

“No!” Harry growled and threw him a look of deep dislike. “Sod off, Riddle!”

 

“Ah, but we never managed to finish our conversation before,” said Riddle smoothly.

 

“I’m not interested,” snapped Harry.

 

“But you should!” Riddle raised his voice aggressively for once, which startled him a bit, before continuing more calmly. “You haven’t heard my offer.”

 

“Sleeping with _you_? No, thanks,” Harry imbued his words with as much contempt as he could muster before rising to his feet.

 

“Wait,” said Riddle and took a hold of his wrist, stopping him. “I heard – that you’re going to transfer to other hospital.”

 

Harry tried to pull his hand from Riddle’s grip. “It’s none of your concern.”

 

“I have an offer for you at Gaunt Hospital,” said Riddle, smiling confidently. “You’ll find the pay will be more sufficient than at public hospital.”

 

Harry raised his eyebrow. Not succeeding with his charm now Riddle was resorting to financial offer. He wondered silently why Riddle was so desperate to have him. The other man didn’t seem to be someone who lacked admirers. Riddle had a beautiful, masculine face, and that alone would make many men and women throw themselves to his feet. Combine that with a good amount of money and social position, the attraction would be irresistible. Even though he didn’t like Riddle, he had to admit that the other man had all those three.

 

 _Or maybe it’s a matter of pride,_ Harry mused silently, _because I refused him._

If that was so, too bad then because he wasn’t a person who looked for a quick tumble in the bed, his heart belonged only to one person, it was never for sale.

 

“I would appreciate if you let _my husband_ go, Dr. Riddle,” said a cold voice from behind him.

 

 _Now he shows up!_ Harry rolled his eyes at the mention of his married status and had the urge to hurt his husband.

 

Riddle’s eyes widened with disbelief. “Your… _husband?_ ”

 

“Yes, Snape here is my husband,” Harry said with a scowl and tugged his hand off Riddle’s slackened grip. “Or rather he only just remembered that he has a husband now, when it’s _convenient_ for him,” He added angrily before striding away.

 

“Potter!” called Severus, coming after him. “Potter, wait!”

 

“ _You_ , stay away from me!” snapped Harry, evading his husband’s hand that reached out to him. “And it’s Potter-Snape now!”

 

“Harry…” Severus called softly, his voice dropping into an almost pleading tone. “I—I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah?” Harry grounded out angrily. “You think I’m a child who can’t make his own decisions!”

 

“No – listen, I didn’t mean –,” said Severus.

 

“It’s true! You never – I thought we were equals, Sev,” said Harry, sending him a hurt look.

 

“We are…” said Severus quietly.

 

“Then why you’re still doubting what I feel for you?” said Harry exasperatedly.

 

“… I don’t know,” Severus croaked after a short silence.

 

Harry was about to open his mouth again when he noticed a woman, who was standing near the door, peering at them curiously. Realizing that the hotel’s hall wasn’t a right place for them to quarrel, he pulled Severus into the open door that led to the hotel’s garden. The garden was empty of people and it was utterly silent aside from the sound of waves crashing onto the rugged shores below.

 

He took a seat on one of the white benches while Severus stood stiffly, his back ramrod-straight.

 

“It works two ways, you know,” Harry said with a sigh, breaking the silence. “I, too, am afraid… you’ll love me no more someday.”

 

“It is not possible!” snapped Severus at once.

 

Harry flushed slightly as he felt a rush of hope. “About you not loving me?” he said teasingly, his lips were stretched wide and he felt like he couldn’t stop smiling. To his delight, Severus’s cheeks turned red as a response. Harry pulled him closer then buried his head on the older man’s stomach before saying softly, “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear that.”

 

When Severus said nothing – and _did_ nothing – Harry blew out a frustrated breath then lifted his head to look him in the eyes and said, “Sev, come on, tell the truth now. Do you _seriously_ think that it’s okay for Riddle to have me if I want him to?”

 

There was a flash of fury in those deep black eyes before Severus replied curtly in irritated tone, “No!”

 

“And anyone else other than Riddle if I want them?” he asked him again, feeling rather sick.

 

His heart was thumping rather too loudly under his ribs, constricting his air passages. And it felt like there were million butterflies in his stomach. He was really worried that Severus was going to say yes.

 

“…no,” repeated Severus grudgingly after some time.

 

Harry let out a relieved breath. His lungs were finally working right again.

 

“There, you have your answer,” said Harry, beaming at him, satisfied. “I do feel the same. I won’t let anyone have you.”

 

Severus snorted and said dryly, “That’s hardly the case. No one – _other than you_ – wants me.”

 

“You just don’t know.” Harry shook his head mournfully, torn between feeling sad that Severus would never realize how popular he was among the hospital’s staff – something about the temptation of taming a dark and brooding, sexy man – and at the same time happy that no one actually knew how wonderful Severus truly was despite of his cold appearance on the outside. He was after all quite an egoist to everything that was Severus’s related. He would rather keep the man for himself. He shrugged in uncaring manner, “Well, it doesn’t matter now.”

 

“What do you mean?” asked Severus suspiciously, narrowing his eyes at him.

 

Harry grinned at him. “Nothing. Forget what I’ve just said.”

 

“Will you always be this difficult, Potter?” said Severus, crossing his arms.

 

“Only if you stop being difficult,” replied Harry innocently. “And it’s Potter-Snape now, husband of mine.”

 

“Touché,” said Severus, his lips slowly curving upward at the corners.

 

And when that rare smile he loved the most twisted his husband’s mouth, it was safe to say that words were no longer needed because he knew that – at long last he truly was home now.

 

**End of Chapter 9**


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to my awesome Beta, YumeNoTsuzuki.

**Epilogue**

**Harry’s POV**

 

“72-year-old Ted Tonks complained of chest pain 20 minutes ago,” the nurse told him as they wheeled the patient into Trauma One, “then he lost consciousness.”

 

“Preoperative examination revealed 90% stenosis of left main coronary artery,” The nurse went on as Harry bent down and narrowed his eyes at the ECG.

 

“This is bad. There is myocardial infarction! Hurry!” He turned to another nurse and said, “Contact Dr. Snape and the anastheologist! Prepare for a emergency operation!”

 

“Yes, Dr. Potter!”

 

XxXxX

 

**Severus’s POV**

Severus walked into OR 2 with his gloved hands up in front of him, then took his position on the right side of the patient and said loud enough to be heard by everyone, “Now commencing acute myocardial infarction from the left main coronary artery stenosis, emergency by pass surgery.”

 

He briefly glanced at his husband who was also his assistant. It had been a while since they last worked together in an operation. But by the look of it, Potter was still just as efficient as ever. His reckless side was gone, replaced by a surgeon who lived up to his name as the ‘chosen one’.

 

 “Disinfection completed,” Potter reported, lifting his green eyes to meet his own.

 

Severus felt the corner of his lips turn up into a small smile behind his mask, showing his appreciation before setting aside all of his emotional feelings and concentrated on the operation. He turned to the nurse and said, “Scapel.”

 

“Yes.”

 

He started an incision on the left part of the chest as Potter turned to the nurse and said, “Tweezers. Gauze.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Severus said, “Incision completed. Electric scapel.”

 

“Yes.”

 

XxXxX

 

**Minerva’s POV**

 

_“….acute myocardial infarction surgery complete,” said Severus Snape’s voice via live, closed-circuit television._

 

No matter how often Minerva watched Snape-Potter’s operation, as a surgeon she couldn’t help a small shiver of excitement and envy. As always, their work was flawless. Since the first time she had met Harry Potter, she had always known that the young doctor would succeed greatly as an emergency trauma surgeon. He had a fast pace that was vital for an emergency situation and a natural passionate nature that could draw the operating staff into his upbeat tempo.

 

But to her amazement, he was even better when he was assisting.  He could draw out the ability of a surgeon to the maximum, and when he was paired with the cool-headed cardiac surgeon of St. Mungo, Severus Snape, it wasn’t a wonder if the operation’s success rate rose up to 99%. They were undoubtedly the best choice for the patient.

 

 _Best partners in saving a life,_ Minerva thought, and if the news that Albus had told her on the phone was true. _Also… best partners in everything._

Her usual stern lips curved upward forming into a smile as she stared out the window up into the clear blue sky. She was always right after all. No storm could last forever. All they needed was a _‘little’_ of her meddling.  Her smile turned into a self-satisfied smirk as she walked out of the staff room, her footsteps echoing in the hospital corridor, thinking how _gratifying_ it would be to rub it in Severus’s face for a while.

 

**End of Epilogue**


End file.
